{{{{{ JOURNAL }}}}}

Thu, 15 Sep 2005 23:34:14 GMT

copyin alice and workin on a new livejournal!!!

dont know wut its going to be yet... soo umm check back later or my profile or other ppls livejournals or something

Tue, 13 Sep 2005 03:07:38 GMT

get my act together
to start caring
stop caring about other things
be nice
be appreciative
be understanding
shut my mother fucking mouth
step out of my comfort zone
see from a different perspective
be more passionate in what i choose to do
start building
stop hiding
figure stuff out
make decisions
do what im afraid to do
focus

and

run

Mon, 12 Sep 2005 23:26:20 GMT

i feel like this is not going to be a good year.

please something prove my theory/feeling wrong

conclusion-no matter how much we bitch, we end up just having to deal with it one step at a time

Mon, 12 Sep 2005 04:56:14 GMT

fuck it.

so i had this whole big bitch entry typed out. but i deleted it. because i wanna say it all in a more summed up way. or atleast try to. (y am i even saying this...? w/e)

we all want so much that we cant have. and then we contradict our selves.

i mean like world peace, and happiness for all. or something along those lines. we want to feed the hungry in africa, we want to stop war, we want this we want that. but what if everyone was truly happy. wut if what if what if. everything would be so boring. everything would be pointless. we would have nothing left to fight for.

why are humans so fucking contradicting? and hypocritical??? g-d damnit.

yes yes i know im guilty of it too.

but like wtf?!

what makes people think that they are so fucking special?!?! like ok, so we ARE special in that no one is like n e one else or w/e but AAAAAAAHHHHHH

everythings become so complicated.
its like down south hurrican katrina came and physically has caused all this misery. but here its like one group of friends. (or more idk) and their families... we all generate SO MUCH EMOTION... its like theres hurricane katrina here... cept in emotion form. its tearing apart friendships. drowning people in their smallest mistakes. blowing away any hint of hope for n e thing that there may have been. raking up all the anger and just throwing it somewhere. i mean UGH i know this is normal. these emotional wrecks come and go all the time. but its just... so much right now.

and its true. we are in highschool now. we are getting our licenses. we are growing up. were maturing, or who knows immaturing. we are all changing. our selves individually, our friends, our relationships with other people, the way we handle things, deciding what we are doing with the rest of our lives, to be insecure or not to be insecure. some of us are rushing so fast forward, that they/we are leaving a part of us behind. so are refusing to move forward so quickly, and are being left behind. others have wondered off into dark alleyways coming near a dead end. others have found there way into a high high tree and found the top, but now dont know how to get down. we are all so fucking confused. we are all so fucking fucked up in so many ways.

lets make it simpler, so its just that much easier. - how uninteresting right?

oh how it sux not to be able to have the best of both worlds.

no, how it sux to not be able to have the best of ALL worlds.

Sun, 11 Sep 2005 16:38:31 GMT

finally caught up on sleep.

one problem- it lets me think clearly

Sat, 10 Sep 2005 22:48:03 GMT

so umm... vbl tourney today not too bad

interesting i guess.

lost against centenniel... BUT... heres the deal. it was a three way tie for 1st

because...

we beat rantoul

centenniel beat us

rantoul beat centenniel

so then it went o matches.

we were all 2 and 1

so then it went to games. and rantoul had 4 wins 3 losses. we had 4 wins 2 losses. and centenniel had 5 wins and 2 losses. so they got first.. but its bogus cuz WE didnt get a chance to get a 5th win or w/e like idk .... so it SHOULD have been by losses since rantoul and centenniel went to 3 games. sigh cuz then it wud have gone to points. and WE WOULD HAVE GOTTEN FIRST DAMNIT! lol but thats ok... im over it. its just annoying

anyways... so im REALLY tired all of a sudden... BUT I WANT TO DO SOMETHING!!

the day that I DONT WORK, EVERYONE is like gone..... or working... or cant do n e thing... its so sad. damnit

*sigh*

maybe ill go take a nap or something... idk

Tue, 06 Sep 2005 23:30:30 GMT

i hate being on my period

it makes everything seem so much worse

so much more dramatic and confusing

*sigh*

i really need to stop expecting things... cuz it just doesnt work

Mon, 05 Sep 2005 16:34:39 GMT

so jenni is leaving tomorrow morning. and it REALLY feels like the summer is over!!

like omg... wtf....
i cant believe it.

like i knwo ive been in skool for like a week now but still. like idk... schools school and its the same old bull shit just a diff day. as always right? and like idk... and it seems like more people do stuff during the school year than during the summer. or maybe thats just cuz that was the summer after freshman year. idk.

but yea and people are already starting to turn 16. and its like no wait stop. REWIND we are NOT turning 16 yet are we???? like i mean ive always felt a little bit older than i actually am. but its like... the fact that we are actually turning 16. actually starting to drive. actually getting jobs and like all this other stuff.

are we seriously begining to grow up? yes. well in some ways no. we are still the immature teenagers who do dumb things. but hey we are teenagers we are allowed to do that!!
but idk... im excited to be getting my license and everyone else too... but dude thats a lot of power.... lol i know i sound retarded but seriously.

i mean. i dont know what i mean but....

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

like idk... im so scared!~! lol

g-d im so scared of this yr. like this summer was good and bad, and like this past month has been VERY emotional and rocky.... and idk if that means that thats how this whole yr is going to be, i just have this nasty gut feeling that this yr is going to suck. well like itll be good like lots of good and fun things will happen. but like at the same time i feel like LOTS of bad things will happen. like not just with me. but i mean everyone! like our sophmore class seems very like... umm... idk how to explain it. like i think this how the whole world is. but its like either
1. if one person is having a sucky day EVERYONE is having a sucky day
or
2. one person is like depressed etc. while someone else is like ignoring wuts going on in their life. then as soon as the one person starts being not depressed. the other becomes depressed. like passing around feelings and taking turns.
and its like theres ALWAYS something going on. and like ALWAYS some sort of emotional thing.... like idk

i dont even know why im rambling about thsi... well because i dont really have n e thing better to do right now i guess?

ay

im just gna shut up now... lol

...

Sat, 03 Sep 2005 07:00:04 GMT

so shit guys

the music is smokin though me.... !!!

oo wow im at graces house just chillin lookin at the stars and stuff....

i miss ,.....

i miss it

~grace and kiko!!

Thu, 01 Sep 2005 03:17:25 GMT

someone please just make me cry

just make me cry it all out

until theres nothing left

yea about that.... vbl....

Wed, 31 Aug 2005 22:40:25 GMT

there was no point getting excited

there was no point trying

just another heart ache

just another fit

a waste of money

a waste of time

a waste of energy

im done

im done with this

and im dont with crying over this

Sun, 28 Aug 2005 14:55:18 GMT

this is whats been dreaded

the stress

the drama

the confusion

the lies

the cover ups

his fucking pride issue

his fucking habits

her fucking bitching

her fucking hurricanes

their fucking lack of love

the sitting in silence

the unconprehensable homework

the contradiction

the "lost in my own fucking world"

the jealousy

the competition

the goodbyes

the betrayal

then the loyalty

the trying

the crying

the pain

but thats all life.
it happens time and time again

only if you really did get stonger for every tear you shed.

Sat, 27 Aug 2005 04:31:29 GMT

AAAHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tue, 23 Aug 2005 16:51:20 GMT

oooo dang
this summer has definately gone by EXTREMELY fast... its like INSANE

VERY EMOTIONAL AND CRAZY but lots of fun. but im very ready for school. even though i still cant believe its tomorrow. i mean like... wtf?!?!?! lol

oo man

so ok EVERYONE HELP ME!! lol for the next 3 months I HAVE TO BE GOOD!!!!!!!!!!!
1. i hacve vbl i cant be actin all stupid and shiiiiiiiit hehe
and
2. I GET MY LICENSE IN 3 MONTHS!!
i cant fuck that up
and
3.i just got in trouble a week or two ago and itll take about 3 months for it to pass. maybe a little longer but

i HAVE to be as good as possible for the next 3 months!!

so like i said everyone HELP ME!!! lol hehe

whoaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa everyone enjoy today!!!

Mon, 22 Aug 2005 03:05:34 GMT

holy shit

like... 3 more days.... not even??????????????????????????

Mon, 22 Aug 2005 03:05:08 GMT

drove down to carbondale.
saw brothers house=BEAUTIFUL
brothers new puppy=CUTEST THING EVER
we were sposed to go boating....
we get the boat in the water... its not working right
we haul it out
take it to the repair shop.
turn off the truck.
the truck wont start.
we pile in my car
drive back home
go to hunans-amazhing chinese restaurant-with this amazing dish that i order-stuffed myself=heavenly
go back to house
sit in hot tub
sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep
wake up
eat and chill
drive to orchards and get peaches and apples
my mother made a fool of herself... but it was hilarious
went to a winery for wine testing... mmmm yumm
my mother literally got drunk

shes such a lightweight

had lunch
and off to another winery...
B E A U T I F U L
yummy
bak ot the house
pack
leave
3 hrs later
here
tired

gnite ... soon

Sat, 20 Aug 2005 04:06:15 GMT

aaaaah ok so today i had vbl practice and theeeen... came home and like chilled for like... ever lol and then it was decided that emily was going to pay for me to go to the moive tonite...
and so i went to her house for like an hr... then my house for like 30 min so we cud both change... and then off to the movies!
we saw like a million ppl there and so it was like a lot of us lol. but n e ways we went to go see the 40 yr old virgin and it was like... THE coolest movie... EVER lol
laughed... alot lol and then when we got out em and i saw anna!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ive missed her!! she hasnt changed AT ALL!! lol i love her so much!! lol

n e ways then hung out outside of d.q. and chris's car or well his dads car i guess? lol
then chris dorve me home! how exciting eh?

n e ways... i need skool to start... SOON... because.... i need to get like a reality check... lol im going crazy... like all i want to do is like go out and like u know all that stuff. and i feel SO stupid because i havent really done much that requires my brain to remember or like think things... its pretty BAD and like ive been pretty happy lately i guess. not happy but not sad. but i get like HYPUR when im around ppl... and like idk for some reason its getting on my nerves. like its ok... but idk.... nvm i dont really know wut im talking about/how to explain wuts going on in my brain.

i just want skool to start.

yes i know im weird. but.... i like school for the most part. its just the sitting and lsitening to stupid stuff and the stupid busy work... otherwise its not TOO bad....

idk but i shud prob goo... to sleep soon?

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
well n e ways... if u havent seen it... GO SEE THE 40 YEAR OLD VIRGIN! lol

Wed, 17 Aug 2005 12:59:35 GMT

omg so its like 8 a.m. and im like wtf................
lol

like last night.... i went to bed at like 11 30 ish
but i COULDNT FUCKING SLEEP... like i was prob like awake for 30 min. then in a half asleep half awake kinda state for like another 30 min to an hr... and then this morning i woke up at like 6 and i felt like id only gotten like 3 min of sleep... and i cudnt fall back asleep...

what

the fucking

fuck.....

IM TIIIIIIIIIIIRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED!!! and i have vbl prac from 9 til 11 today.... damnit....

Sat, 13 Aug 2005 18:50:39 GMT

if you were gna be an exchange student

where would you go?

Thu, 11 Aug 2005 17:33:22 GMT

JANUARY:
Being born in January straight-up means your the most good looking person possible. Youve also got the best personality (bar none) and am an absolute pleasure to be around.You are seriously WAY BETTER than the other months! The other months pretty much just suck balls. So be PROUD to be in the January month! Your funny and extremely determined to get out there in life and do what you do best! You are probably a massive Burzum fan, and more than likely have an a very attractive partner (or three!). It is also more than likely that you have a massive record collection/CD (that is better than anybody elses from any other month). YOu have a great choice in films, and may one day become a famous actor yourself - hell! youve got the looks for it, your fucking HOT!!!!! You are definitly more metal than anyone born in February (especially Simon from Seventh Cross).
________________________________________________
FEBRUARY:
Febuary is pretty lame but it's ok.Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract. Intelligent and clever. Changing personality. Attractive. sexy. Temperamental. Quiet, shy and humble. Honest and loyal. Determined to reach goals. Loves freedom. Rebellious when restricted. Loves aggressiveness. Too sensitive and easily hurt. Gets angry really easily but does not show it. Dislikes unnecessary things. Loves making friends but rarely shows it. Daring and stubborn. Ambitious. Realizing dreams and hopes. Sharp. Loves entertainment and leisure. Romantic on the inside not outside. Superstitious and ludicrous. Spendthrift. Tries to learn to show emotions.
________________________________________________
MARCH:
Attractive personality. sexy-ugly. Affectionate Shy and reserved. Secretive. Naturally honest, generous and sympathetic. Loves peace and serenity. Sensitive to others. Loves to serve others. Easily angered. Trustworthy. Appreciative and returns kindness. Observant and assesses others. Revengeful. Loves to dream and fantasize. Loves traveling. Loves attention. Hasty decisions in choosing partners. Loves home decors. Musically talented. Loves special things. Moody.
_________________________________
APRIL:
Active and dynamic. Decisive and haste but tends to regret. Attractive and affectionate to oneself. Strong mentality. Loves attention. Diplomatic. Consoling, friendly and solves people's problems. Brave and fearless. Adventurous. Loving and caring. Suave and generous. Emotional. Aggressive. Hasty. Good memory. moving Motivates oneself and others. Sickness usually of the head and chest. sexy in a way that only their lover can see.
_________________________________
MAY:
Stubborn and air-headed. Strong-willed and highly motivated. Sharp thoughts. Easily angered. Attracts others and loves attention. Deep feelings. Beautiful physically and mentally. Firm Standpoint. Needs no motivation. Easily consoled. Systematic (left brain). Loves to dream. Strong clairvoyance. Understanding. Sickness usually in the ear and neck. Good imagination. Good physical. Weak breathing. Loves literature and the arts. Loves traveling. Dislike being at home. Restless. Not having many children. Hardworking. High spirited. Totally BADASS. Best person you'll ever meet!
_________________________________

JUNE:
Not so easy to talk to. Thinks far with vision. Easily influenced by kindness. Polite and soft-spoken. Having lots of ideas. Sensitive. Active mind. Hesitating, tends to delay. Choosy and always wants the best. Temperamental, really sexy... Funny and humorous. Loves to joke. Good debating skills. Has that someone* always on his/her mind. Talkative. Daydreamer. Friendly. Knows how to make friends. Abiding. Able to show character. one guy/girl kind of person. Loveable. Easily hurt. Prone to getting colds. loves music. pretty/handsome. Loves to dress up. Easily bored. Fussy. Seldom shows emotions. Takes time to recover when hurt. Sensitive. Down-to-Earth. Stubborn.

_______________________________

JULY:
Not really fun to be with. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to be understood. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation. Easily consoled. Honest. Concerned about people's feelings. Tactful. Friendly. Approachable. Emotional temperamental and unpredictable. Moody and easily hurt. Witty and sparkly. Not revengeful. Forgiving but never forgets. Dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things. Guides others physically and mentally. Sensitive and forms impressions carefully. Caring and loving. Treats others equally. Strong sense of sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges people through observations. Hardworking. No difficulties in studying. Loves to be alone. Always broods about the past and the old friends. Hot. Waits for friends. Never looks for friends. Not aggressive unless provoked. Loves to be loved. Easily hurt but takes long to recover.
_________________________________
AUGUST:
outgoing personality. takes risks. feeds on attention. no self control. kind hearted. self confident. loud and boisteroius. VERY revengeful. easy to get along with and talk to. has an "everything's peachy" attitude. likes talking and singing. loves music. daydreamer. easily distracted. loves to flirt. hates not being trusted. BIG imagination. loves to be loved. hates studying. in need of "that someone". longs for freedom. rebellious whe withheld or restricted. lives by "no pain no gain" caring. always a suspect. playful. mysterious. "charming" or "beautiful" to a special person. stubborn. curious. independent. strong willed. a fighter.

_________________________________
SEPTEMBER:
Suave and compromising. Careful, cautious and organized. Likes to point out people's mistakes. Likes to criticize (pretty much your average asshole!). Stubborn. Quiet but able to talk well. Calm and cool. Kind and sympathetic. Concerned and detailed. Loyal and always honest. Does work well. Very confident. Sensitive. Positive Attitude. Thinking generous. Good memory. Clever and knowledgeable. Loves to look for information. Must control oneself when criticizing. Able to motivate oneself. Understanding. Fun to be around. Secretive. Loves sports, leisure and traveling. Hardly shows emotions. Tends to bottle up feelings. Very choosy, especially in relationships. Systematic. sexy but has brains.
_________________________________
OCTOBER:
Loves to chat online. Loves those who loves them. Loves to takes things at the center. Inner and physical beauty. Lies but doesn't pretend. Gets angry often. Treats friends importantly.Brave and fearless. Always making friends. Easily hurt but recovers easily. Daydreamer. Opinionated. Does not care of to control emotions. Unpredictable. Extremely smart.
_________________________________
NOVEMBER:
Trustworthy and loyal. Very compassionate and caring. Wild at times. Knows how to have fun.Sexy and mysterious. Everyone is drawn towards your inner and outer beauty. Playful, secretive. Very emotional and takes alot to make angry. Meets new people easily. Fearless and independent.Can hold their own. Stands out in a crowd. Essentially very smart .
____________________________
DECEMBER:
Loyal and generous. sexy-ugly. Patriotic. Active in games and interactions. Impatient and hasty. Ambitious. Influential in organizations. Fun to be with. Loves to socialize. Loves praises. Loves attention. Loves to be loved. Honest and trustworthy. Not pretending. Changing person

Thu, 11 Aug 2005 15:16:33 GMT

i dont have a phone .... please dont call it. and if u get a call from my cell
dont pick it up.

and yea... i wont be doing n e thing for a while....

Wed, 10 Aug 2005 18:28:42 GMT

crzy4dashboard

5 fictional characters I would have sex with in no real order...
1. robbie (sex g-d from georgia nicholson books!)
2. hercules
3. aladdin
4. oliver wood(on the quidditch field thing)
5. i forget his name.. but he was in a japanese drama show... lol

5 things that get me happy/energetic/enthusiastic about life
1. ice cream
2. hanging out with maddie when we're tired
3. people calling me or texting me in the middle of the night (just showing up at my house in the middle of the night)
4. eating food (GOOD food)
5. watching the next top model marathons with emily

Okay and i am tagging 5 others...
and the lucky five are....
1. keillyn! (i never talk to u n e more!! its sad!! :()
2. eva
3. emily
4. grace
5. caitlyn

Wed, 10 Aug 2005 18:20:31 GMT

this was on ppls myspace blog type things it made me laugh

Body: WHO WANT'S TO HEAR GOOD, LOGICAL REASONS TO HAVE SEX?!!!

1. Sex is a beauty treatment. Scientific tests find that when women make love they produce amounts of the hormone estrogen, which makes hair shine and skin smooth.

2. Gentle, relaxed lovemaking reduces your chances of suffering
dermatitis, skin rashes and blemishes. The sweat produced cleanses the pores and makes your skin glow.

3. Lovemaking can burn up those calories you piled on during that romantic dinner.

4. Sex is one of the safest sports you can take up. It stretches and tones up just about every muscle in the body. It's more enjoyable than swimming 20 laps, and you don't need special sneakers!

5. Sex is an instant cure for mild depression. It releases endorphins into the bloodstream, producing a sense of
euphoria and leaving you with a feeling of well-being.

6. The more sex you have, the more you will be offered. The sexually active body gives off greater quantities of chemicals called pheromones. These subtle sex perfumes drive the
opposite sex crazy!

7. Sex is the safest tranquilizer in the world. IT IS 10 TIMES MORE
EFFECTIVE THAN VALIUM.

8. Kissing each day will keep the dentist away. Kissing encourages saliva to wash food from the teeth and
lowers the level of the acid that causes decay, preventing plaque build-up.

9. Sex actually relieves headaches. A lovemaking session can release the tension that restricts blood vessels in the brain.

10. A lot of lovemaking can unblock a stuffy nose. Sex is a natural antihistamine. It can help combat asthma and hay fever.

haha

Tue, 09 Aug 2005 20:03:21 GMT

yea so i havent updated this thing in like... years... haha not really but thats ok

any ways... this summer has gone by REALLY FAST like we only have about 2 weeks left til school starts. its INSANE! so much has happened....
like... whoa

but idk at the same time im ready for school to start... my brain is like ... dead and needs to start working again or i think i might explode. yea i know im weird i like school. like idk when all my brain has been thinking about is like ... family shit, friend shit, boy shit, etc.... thats not good.... and i need to get away from my house... like i like it.. and i like my room and all but idk i need a reason to be out of it for long periods of time. and weird as it may sound i like learning. its just that at school you have to sit there and half the time listen to the most stupidest lechtures of all time. but u know... like i feel like i need to become the nerd that i used to be when i was like real little... haha im such a loser. like idk. no boys for me this year. well not really... there ca be... just IM not going to be the one chasing them anymore. just cuz i mean... thats so annoying cuz it never works out. so i want to be at school, at work, at volleyball, maybe some volunteer stuff and PARTYING!! lol as much as possible so as not to have time for those damn distractions. lol
any ways and i really want to start figuring out what exactly im going to do with my life. like ive thought about so many different things... but i dont know.
like sykyatrist (no i dont know how to spell it lol> besides its cooler this way) but anyways ive thought about that. and idk i think that i might go crazy because in being able to take apart the human mind... i would learn too much about myself. like idk. but at the same time thats like the most fascinating thing EVER
pediatrics- i like kids, med is always cool and u know all that good stuff
umm the person who helps give birth- giving birth is like one of the most beautiful things ever in
international communications-just cuz yea
translator
teacher of some sort
like idk theres just so many things and like idk. *sigh* i just kinda miss thinking about this stuff all the time ish? lol
ugh why am i going on about this?
anyways. so iots all been quite interesting... this summer. break ups, and heart aches for me for everyone else... just lots of it EVERYWHERE like wtf right? lol familys being torn apart and glued back together and then seeming to fall apart again. i mean idk its all been crazy. going out of town. staying in town. seeing people not seeing people. drugs, alcohol, hospitals, leaving, coming back, like i think this summer has been one of the most eventful for me. like idk like EVERYTHING HAS HAPPENED but at the same time... NOTHING HAS HAPPENED. its like weird. cuz thats how freshman year was too.
*sigh* and its kinda like HOLY SHIT WERE ALREADY SOPHOMORES and at the same time its like... omg were ONLY sophomores.... shit... lol

o yea i registered and here are my classes. tell me if u have any of the same classes or liek same teachers so we can help with hw....

accel int alg richmond
health blacketer
span 2 avalos
orchestra turner
chemistry stanhope
(hopefully the combo class of world cultrues and eng) krows/oberg

holler!

Wed, 03 Aug 2005 16:59:07 GMT

only IF our lives were like the movies

:) lol dude we shud make our own fucking movie. haha jk it wudnt be the same.... *sigh* much luv losers! :^p